Zumba baby!

I have finally discovered Zumba. Let me say this, I think it's the hardest I have worked out in years. I push myself way to far while doing it, because it's just plain FUN!!!! I'm sure I do not look like the people who are on the video, but who cares. My abs are so sore now. :-D

YIKES!!!!!

Yep, they are going to be putting another epidural in my spine to try to help me with some of my back pain. UGH! I hate having this done. They always give me a hard time for waiting so long to come in and get them, but who, I ASK WHO, goes running to the doctor, excited to have a gigantic needle inserted into their spine? OUCH! (I hope it works this time though)

Ok, so I have been on weight watchers for almost a month again, and I have lost 5 pounds. I know that is a respectable amount of weight, but it's still hard for me to be okay with it. The first time I did WW, I lost 10 pounds a month for the first 3 months. Yes, my back was significantly better than it is now, and I was younger. But patience is a weakness for me, and clearly, I'm going to have to figure out how to be patient anyway. :-(

Here we go again.... :-(

Well, I have decided even though I'm still having bad back problems and am still very sad about losing my sister last year, I just HAVE to do something about the weight that I have put back on. It is so difficult to get started again. I tried in September, but it became pretty obvious to me that emotionally, I was NOT ready. I'm hoping that I can succeed this time around. Here is a new picture of me, and it's not looking good. :-( Of course wearing my sons ugly hat didn't do me any favors! LOL... Why didn't I think to bring a cute hat? Oh well.

It's just so frustrating because I kept the weight off for over 6 months, and then duh duh duhhhhh, my back really went to an ugly place. I had the stupidity to think I could attempt to try to train for a...... wait for it..... no, not a marathon, just a little 5K run. Extreme pain day and night was the result of my attempts to start running. I literally went 7 months on very little sleep. So during that time I think I added about 20 pounds. Then the doctor tried to have me take a med to help, and it helped my back, but I was gaining 1-2 pounds a week on that crazy stuff. I even starting tracking with Weight Watchers and controlling the cravings was horrible, and with all that effort, I still gained weight. So once that med had made me gain about 12 pounds, and more importantly turned me into a crazy raging psycho. I decided I just couldn't take it. So back to doctors to figure out how to control my back problems. I did find a temporary solution (an epidural block). And then I thought, ok, now I can get this weight issue back under control.

However, I then found out, that I don't handle emotional turmoil well at all. My sister Andrea, who I talked to on the phone everyday, and sometimes, several times a day, had stage IV anal cancer, and treatments were not going well. I tried so hard every time I talked to her, to stay positive and upbeat. I didn't realize how much of an effort that was, till I found a pattern in my life. Most of the time, when I would hang up after very difficult times with Andrea, I would find myself with wrappers, plates, bowls and cups surrounding me. WHAT THE!!!!! I mean, I honestly have no idea what I ate most of the time, and I don't even remember grabbing food. So clearly, my weight kept going up up and up. Then in July Andrea passed away. And depression got a hold of me for a time. Again, I seemed to turn to food for comfort..... not good. And it didn't help, that one week after her funeral we were told that my dad's cancer is back, and it is considered terminal. Thankfully, he handles chemo fairly well, and will probably be with us for a while longer.

I'll be seeing the doctor at the end of the month to see what other tricks they might have up their sleeves to help with my back problems. But waiting and waiting for it to get better before I start with weight loss isn't a good idea. Who knows if they will ever find anything to help with my back. And carrying this much extra weight right now, sucks! It is exhausting, and it's just difficult to move like I used to. So, I have to be willing to accept the fact that I will not take the weight off as fast as I did 4 years ago because I can't exercise as hard as before. But I think that's okay.

This rant was more for me than anything.... I just needed to get it off of my chest. :-)

40th Birthday Surprise Party!

So, yesterday we had planned on going over to Kathy's for dinner. About 2:30, I got a really bad headache! I had to take medicine and lay down. Then at about 6:15 I was starting to feel slightly better, so I decided I should go ahead and comb my hair, and put on a little makeup. I didn't feel like changing out of my sweats, and I figured I'm only going over to Kathy's, and Tim and Megan will be there, so who cares if I'm wearing my old sweats. I head over there with Steve since the kids left before us. We enter the house, and SURPRISE!!!! Everyone was there, balloons, presents and a big dinner. After I picked up my jaw from off of the floor, I thought, dang, why didn't I change my clothes! HAHA.

That was not the end of the surprises. So I noticed Kathy was trying to hurry me up with dinner and presents, which I thought was a little funny. Then I opened the present from Todd and Kathy, and found out why. They had gotten us a hotel room up in Park City, for that night! So we had to hurry home, pack and head out. Kathy watched our kids and we got to take off and have a great night.

So, when we checked in, I was just very confused. The man at the front desk handed us a card and told us to pick what we wanted... And I was like HUH? It said, soda or water, crackers and cheese, pretzels and fruit... etc.. And I must have looked like an idiot because I didn't understand why we were getting this stuff. He then explained it was because Todd is a platinum Marriott member. And then he said we needed to use our room card in the elevator to access our floor because it was a secure floor. Seriously cool! And we had access to the lounge with free food in the morning. Sweet!

Today after we enjoyed being extremely lazy in the morning, we headed over to the Tanger Outlet Mall, which is HUGE! It was snowing and really windy, so it was rather humorous. My hair looked crazy because of the weather (wind, snow and a perm is a bad combo!). Then we had some pretty good Mexican food and headed home. What a great birthday surprise! Seriously, I don't think I've ever had a surprise party! It was so much fun!

Back to School for Real Now

The kids are officially back in school. I was foolish enough to believe that, I would finally have some time to get through a book I've been reading. Well, that was not to be. First of all, the elementary school had early out everyday this week. And I had places I had to be everyday! So I had Friday only to read, but I took a nap instead. Oh well, maybe next week.

Back to School Already?

Wow, I know July was just a bummer, and I feel like the summer has just started, but Eric starts UCAS next Monday! And then all the of the kids the week after that! WOW! I have to get shopping. Dang, how did it sneak up on me so fast? Most years I'm almost counting down until they go back. Not this year!

Just adding salt to the wound!

There are just times when you scratch your head and go, "what is going on here?". Exactly one week after we have the funeral for my sister, my dad gets the news that his cancer is back and it has spread to his lungs. Just like Andrea! Wow! The only analogy that makes any sense to me, is a hurricane. You get pummeled, then you are in the "eye of the storm", where it seems calm. But before you can clean up or anything, it hits again. CRAZY!

Didn't I say how much July sucks!

July was not the best month :-(

On Saturday July 9th, my sister Lori called me and told me that my sister Andrea was NOT doing well, and I should drive down to see her. The next day I did. When I got there, she could hardly breath! It was so painful to watch. On Monday morning we called for an ambulance to come get her because we knew she needed to be on hospice, and she was running out of oxygen fast. She stayed at the hospital until we got all of the equipment in the house. So an ambulance brought her back home that evening. On Tuesday the hospice nurse added some medications to help her! We were so happy about that. She also mentioned that we should try to get anyone to see her now, so that she doesn't hold out to see them, because she was really suffering. So we made some phone calls, and the house became a bit of a rotating door. The medicines helped her get through all of that, but that evening, we saw how much it took a toll on her. But I know she was so happy to see grandchildren, parents, siblings and a very old friend of hers. Wednesday, the hospice doctor came and said she could take much better medicine, so she could be comfortable. The doctor was absolutely fantastic! So we doubled her morphine which made her so much more comfortable. My favorite story happened late Wednesday afternoon. Blake had made a smart remark, like always, and Andrea grabbed a straw that was next to her, ripped on the top of the wrapper, pulled the oxygen mask off her face and tried to blow the wrapper at Blake! Of course, she couldn't, so she threw the whole straw at Blake instead! I'll tell you, watching the two of them, was such an inspiration of what real LOVE is!

In the early hours of Thursday, July 14th, Andrea pulled off the oxygen. Desi and Blake tried to get it back on her, but she forcefully pushed it aside. She said she wanted to go home. And so Desi, Blake and her 3 silly sisters (Kerry, Myself, and Lori), stood by her side and watched her return to her real home. It was sooooo bitter sweet! There was such relief to see her at peace and not struggling to take every breath. But so painful to know she would no longer be with us in person. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.

Should I blog again?

I've been debating for a few weeks if I should start blogging again.... Here are a few things that have been going on.

This summer has been great so far! Allen is in summer school for fun (sports, Role Playing Games, Guitar, and ALGEBRA, for the fun of it). He goes Monday through Thursday and the bus picks him up and drops him back off everyday. Ryan is on the swim team every morning. And Eric is getting ready to leave for Philmont next week. So he bikes a lot to get stronger. Since the kids are so busy, they haven't been fighting as bad. So that is a total bonus!

I am doing okay I guess. Thanks to a lot of stuff- health and stress wise, I have unfortunately put back on quite a bit of weight. Which makes me want to eat more, how does that work anyways? So that is depressing, but at least my back has been manageable since I had the epidural block in November. Anyone have any tips on how to get back into exercise and watching calories when you are mega stressed? I really wish I was like Steve, when he's stressed he doesn't eat! Oh well.